Monday, March 28, 2011

Round Two

"WE ALL HAVE INSECURITIES... They piggyback on the vulnerability inherent in our humanity. The question is whether or not our insecurities are substantial enough to hurt, limit, or even distract us from profound effectiveness or fulfillment of purpose."

Yes, here I am-- going through Beth Moore's book- So Long Insecurity for the 2nd time. Let me just tell you about the first time I picked up this book randomly at Barnes and Noble. You see, I had a hair crisis... Never in my life has this happened to me. But it did.. and that one little thing... brought out some deep issues in my heart and in my soul that I was clueless about.

For the last 5 years that I've been at Bethel, I have fully embraced Pastor Bill's word about "No naval gazing"... I refuse to go inward and search for what is the matter with me-- it is depressing. But when Holy Spirit brings things up for me to work on (and let me tell you HE DOES)I am game. Because I know that if I ignore it, I will go around the circle repeating things until I decide to let Him help me fix it.

So I found myself at Barnes and Noble- in the Christian book section- frustrated and yelling HELP ME on the inside. Fully feeling insecurity dominating my emotions... I mean, I was so insecure that I was feeling insecure about my insecurity. POP- saw a title... So Long Insecurity- You've Been A Bad Friend To Us. I bought this book and took a chapter every morning. This book completely changed my life. I am not kidding... FULLY changed me.

And so I thought I was through with all insecurity and about a month ago- POP- something happened and here I am going through it again, but in a different area of my life. Let me just tell you, I am going to beat the crap out of insecurity... and fight until it's not a part of me any longer.

So... as I was reading through chapter 2 this morning, I thought I would share some of what Beth says in my journey of re-reading this book. Thus the blog re routing.

Here's what I got the most out of chapter 2.. I have a strong desire to make amends when I think I've done something wrong. I have a strong desire to make amends even when I haven't done something wrong! I dread the backlash of people. Having someone upset with me is very unsettling even if I was on the right side of the conflict. Beth says, Loss of favor and approval and harmony is excruciating for people with insecurity. THAT IS ME and I fully admit it ha. I am excited that as I am reading this book, different things are hitting me than what hit me last time...

More later from Chapter 3... Thanks for letting me vulnerable and real and adventurous with you...